We’ve got consequences, hopefully the culmination of Major’s gaslighting, and what looks like the big baddie for next season – all in this episode. Let’s get to it!
Liv sits in the interrogation room she’s weirdly lorded over in past episodes, while Clive usually looks on entertained. She’s being drilled for Lowell’s death. Apparently, his neighbors aren’t as deaf as Major’s and heard the gunshot. Having once again found Liv surrounded by dead people, the police decide that maybe they should try doing that detective stuff they keep seeing on TV. She won’t tell the truth about Blaine and claims she was driving to meet him, but twist! Our Lieutenant Suzuki (who finally got a name, round of applause) is framing Lowell’s death as a suicide.
I say it’s because Blaine’s still pressuring him to make sure that all of his mistakes vanish. My husband says it’s to keep the knowledge of zombies on the down-low. What do you think? I suppose it could be both. Flat bottom tacos for everyone!
After trying to comfort Liv at the police station (which must’ve reserved parking for those two by now), Ravi’s back at home confronting a raving Major. This guy hasn’t just dipped a toe into the deep end, he’s flung himself fully clothed off the high dive. Despite Major’s puppy dog eyes practically crying out for someone to tell him the truth, Ravi still won’t do it. I never thought it would happen, because he “looks like he fell out of a Nicholas Sparks movie,” but I feel terrible for Major. Would someone just give that Ken doll a hug and tell him it’ll be okay?!
Because she’s still on that PTSD brain (which we barely touched on last episode), Liv comes into work to eat. Ravi tries to talk her out of gnashing on the latest murder victim: “Her cerebral spinal fluid practically came out on the rocks with a lemon twist.” But brain of the week we must, so brain of the week we shall. While Liv enjoys some brain pad thai, Ravi pulls out the paperwork on Lowell and makes a damn good point. There’s a mass murdering sociopath zombie out there who knows where they both work. He’s got the cops in his pocket. It would be best to play along and sign off on Lowell’s death being a suicide. Since he talks about personally disposing of the body despite being a trust fund zombie, Lowell had no family.
Still shocked, Liv refuses to think about any of it and tosses the forms back at Ravi, which makes sense. It seems rather cruel of the police department/city/Earl the form fairy to force people to sign off on the death of someone they knew. Doesn’t the morgue have its own “I won’t cut out the liver of a family member” rule doctors have?
Clive swings by after getting some amazing pie from the bakery beside the morgue, which prompts Liv to have her first zombie vision where Rebecca, the reporter, is snagged up by some guys in ski masks (which totally wouldn’t have looked weird in the elevator ride up there…) and thrown downstairs. They use her fingerprints to unlock her phone. Biometrics endanger more lives than they save. Wake up, iPhone sheeple!
After the vision, Liv and Clive (who seems to take her at her word that she’s cool to investigate more murders after watching her boyfriend get gunned down) stop by Rebecca’s editor. Turns out that her next big story (in between drinking and buying ice and sawdust to cover vomit stains) was about a college kid who hulked out in the library, split another kid’s skull, and threw a water fountain through the window. He’s still out there, fighting crime and wandering the streets to sad music.
Because just having 5,000 words of an investigative story to go off of would cut down the episode big time, Rebecca’s notes are in code, which Liv never manages to zombie vision a solution to. What’s the point of visions if you can’t use them to solve stupid puzzles faster? The only name they have to go off of is another college kid named Ryan, who Rebecca nicknamed Sketchy D-Bag. After no one answers at their first stop, Liv says, “We could just go door to door asking who Sketchy D-Bag is,” prompting Clive to respond with, “We’re on a floor of law students, we’d be here all day.”
I have to say, for Liv being caught with a dead guy and her ex-fiancé shooting invisible bullets at an imaginary infiltrator, Clive’s really taking it all in stride. Liv would have assumed Clive was some member of an elite mafia sent to take down the shrimp industry if those coincidences happened to him. But aside from getting pulled into her little drama, he seems happy to let Liv be on her side of this weirdness while he’s on his.
But there’s still the poor broken Major problem. After flagging down Lenny at the gym and taking some pictures, Clive proves to Major that he didn’t shoot the guy (I was screaming for Clive to go all Columbo and, at the last second, ask Lenny to lift his shirt and see the bullet holes, but this show isn’t about to let our sad Ken doll off that easily). Major’s more cracked than a hardboiled egg chucked off a building. Clive talks him into checking himself into a mental facility, and Major agrees. Later, he tells his roommate about it, and you can almost see Ravi chewing away on his knuckles to keep from confessing about zombies.
Back with our brain of the week: while visiting the creepy lawyer, Liv spots his bang buddy and has a vision of her screaming at the reporter. Of course, her best course of action is to sit on a bench outside the apartment, get completely hammered, and follow the poor girl at three in the morning. Despite being creepy as hell, this gets Connie to confess that the night before Jason went crazy in the library, Ryan and the debate crew got him blackout drunk. They covered Connie in makeup to look like she was bruised and told Jason he killed her. Really, a hard partying and hazing debate team? This is weirder than your zombie problem, Seattle. Also, props to Connie for being enough of an actress to fake being dead for probably an hour as the kid freaked the hell out, sobbed in a corner, rolled her up in a carpet and stuffed her in the trunk. I would’ve needed to take three, maybe four breaths in that time.
FYI, you know a plan is stupid as hell when you steal it from Sterling Archer.
The next day, Jason Fry (no relation to Philip, despite having red hair), snapped. Of course Ryan went all Skull & Bones and closed ranks, so Connie thinks he’s the one who killed the reporter. The debate captain. Right. Is this like Revenge of the Nerds: Horror Story? Last week, one used a drone to kill a guy, now we have a secret hazing society of master debaters. Is there something you’re trying to say, iZombie?
While telling Jason that the girl he thought he killed is fine (which he took really well, all things considered), Liv spots a picture of our scary debaters at a Max Rager party. Oh, so that’s why we saw our PR super villain who escaped with her shower curtain in the “last time” montage. In case you forgot (which even I did), there was some memo about how Max Rager could cause serious freak-outs in people, leading to twelve deaths. So it’s a little safer than Red Bull. But the memo was buried by our on-the-lam murderess, and everyone forgot about it for a few weeks. Finally, Ravi confronts Liv and says what we’ve all been screaming since he first broke into Lenny’s car: “We need to tell Major.”
But Liv won’t hear it. She bites back, “Hey Major, zombies are real and tried to kill you. Not me through, I’m a nice zombie.” She says with Blaine out there, the cops not being trustworthy, and roving gangs of chess players roughing up shopkeeps, it’s best if Major checks himself in. He’ll be safe and out of Blaine’s reach. Which assumes a lot on her part; considering what we’ve seen of Blaine’s operations, reaching out into mental hospitals seems a natural extension.
Since the entire episode was sold as Liv eats an alcoholic’s brain, she stops by the bar for our promo shot of stacking shot glasses. At first, I thought that Major stopping by and taking her home was a hallucination. But then he tucks her into bed, apologizes to his ex-fiancée about her dead boyfriend, and tells her about his plans to check himself in. She still won’t tell him the truth. And to really dig that knife in, she asks him to rub her back the way he used to make her feel better.
I’m not much of a shipper, and I’ll be shocked if Major makes it out of this season alive, but please don’t put those two back together. Liv’s been so heartless over guarding her secret, while Major’s been a total doormat. It’s like a weird reverse Mad Men all of a sudden. Get out Betty-Major! You deserve better.
Once again, while Liv was dealing with personal drama stuff Clive did real police work and found a few other cases where Max Rager was tied to people going super violent. We’ve reached the point where Clive is the only competent cop and investigative reporter in the entire damn city. Okay, bring on the knitting gangs and yarn bombs, Seattle needs an Arrow level of purging.
Despite causing a handful of people to go on murder sprees, Max Rager is apparently a billion dollar industry. We first meet our Richard-Branson-like CEO speaking Italian (because I recently picked up Assassin’s Creed 2 for replaying, I kept waiting for the cue to accept his mission. Ezio, you have to deliver a case of Max Rager to the cardinal before time runs out).
Von’s secretary freaks the hell out about letting Liv in, to the point that Mr. Creepy Pants grabs her and tells her to actualize herself and reach for the gold ring and other lines from his TED talk. She calms down enough to think to check Liv’s credentials and sends in the jackbooted glee club to kick her out, but not before Von says that illustrious memo was a fake. He blames his competitors, which either shows that he’s so untouchable he can come up with the dumbest lies, or is really shitty at being creative. Since he created a drink that can turn people into both the Hulk and zombies, I’m guessing it’s the former.
Since Liv’s still in full walking down a dark path surrounded by neon signs, she winds up at a bar again. Someone sends her a Max Rager and Jäger, then sits down. His name’s Sebastian and he says that he was Rebecca’s first source for the memo, but there’s another one out there still working for the company. Rather than break Rebecca’s code, Liv reads through her calendar and finds herself having to attend a pre-dawn Pilates class. (I assume they meet that early to plan out how they’ll take the east side from the latte gang.)
Despite no one wearing an ‘I’m a disgruntled Max Rager employee’ t-shirt, she spots our little freaked out secretary, Adele. She confesses to Liv that she swiped the memo on a pen drive, but won’t give it up unless she’s offered protection. She also won’t sing “Rolling in the Deep.” Liv hangs out in the locker room for a few dozen hours before wising up that Adele did a runner. But while she’s trying to chase her down in the parking lot, our friendly neighborhood psychopath punches her in the face with his brass knuckles.
She wakes up on a boat just in time to watch Sebastian tie off Adele’s corpse (I assume) and throw it overboard. He goes full monologue, because this guy studied hard at the Academy of Evil and Sciences. Sebastian used Liv to sniff out their leak after he killed Rebecca, and once peed in a pool at a party. To really up the creep factor, he lays down beside Liv and licks the blood on her forehead (obviously this will be important later, but ugh!).
Finally, when he reaches down to throw her overboard, she goes full zombie and bashes him in the head with hers. As he’s stumbling around, she whips the cinderblock, splattering his brains and sending his body into the water. But because he’s full psychopath, he floats (they weigh less than a duck) and starts swimming towards the boat. After the obligatory false starts, Liv’s finally able to gun the engine and chops Mr. Sebastian into tiny crab cakes with the propeller (or should have, considering all of the blood).
Once again, Liv is surrounded by dead people, but Clive takes it in stride, because that’s just the kind of guy Clive is. “Are you openly murdering people in front of me? Not my business.” You’d think the police would be starting a file about the super white chick who keeps showing up with corpses, but they’re all busy trying to start a zombie hot sauce business. She finally comes to her senses, throws all the tiny bottles she swiped from a mini-bar at Ravi, and tells him to sign the form for Lowell as a suicide.
I was afraid they’d stick to their guns with the whole “the hero doesn’t kill” comic code authority claptrap, but Liv is even more determined to kill Blaine. Which, since the cops don’t care and he’s a cut lip away from causing a zombie apocalypse, seems a prudent choice.
Our poor little Major’s in the mental hospital, sharing his story in group therapy with other people who survive horror movies. Finally, finally, someone tells our Ken doll the truth about zombies, but it doesn’t come from his roommate or ex-fiancée. It takes a weird little man called Scott E (shut up about the beaming jokes, he’s heard them all): “The city has a zombie problem.”
And out on the beach, despite being chopped to hamburger, we find a nearly intact Sebastian corpse twitch, rise up, and glow eyes. People, use protection when exchanging body fluids with a zombie! And for God’s sake, don’t lick their bloody foreheads, no matter how cool that makes you look.
Max Rager seems to be setting up as the big baddie for next season. I’m not sure if I’m as excited about the evil corporation that only cares about its profits and not the people turning into hulk zombies. Hits a little too close to home, I suppose.
But, sadly, Blaine has to die.
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