The Best Gunn Quotes of All Time!

It should be no secret by now that I love Buffy the Vampire Slayer. But, you probably don’t know that I love Angel: The Series (almost) as much. I have a soft spot in my heart for many of the characters on Angel (I miss you, Lorne), but none stand out to me quite as much as Charles Gunn.

For those of you who don’t know, Charles Gunn (played by J. August Richards) was the only African-American series regular on Angel, entering the series in season one and staying on through the last season. But, he wasn’t just there as the token black guy or some other superficial reason. Gunn is one of the best developed black tv characters that I have had the pleasure of watching. The character has backstory, a strong love for his family, complicated love interests, protective and mothering instincts, and, above all, the desire to do what’s right. That’s not to say he’s a perfect person. He’s actual quite reckless a lot of the time. Gunn stumbles, he falls, but he gets back up.

But, don’t take my word for it. Let Gunn convince you of his awesomeness. To do that, here’s a list of the 80 best Gunn Quotes of all time. Of all time! Also, clearly there will be some spoilers for the show in here, so proceed at your own risk.

[In reference to Cordelia and Wesley] You two? I find Deevak, I’m gonna need more than C-3PO and Stick-Figure Barbie backing me up, no offense.

I haven’t bothered to see a movie since Denzel was robbed at the Oscars for Malcolm X.

[talking about Angel] So, could one of you go in there and knock on his coffin?

Just cause I know some car thieves, don’t mean I am one.

[In reference to being called a “pugilist” by Wesley] Oh, your ass better pray I don’t look that word up.

If something’s eating him, at least he ain’t as bored as me.

[about Trish] Lady makes bug soup with a ten-ton bus, but show her a papier mâché head and she gets the willies. Huh, women.

No, no, what I’m sayin’ is, that means the granddaughter remade the grandmother. … Man, somehow that weirds me out more than the whole blood-suckin’ thing.

[Angel looks in cabinet] She probably ain’t in there.

You had me at “Everyone Gear Up”.

We open a can of Machiavelli on his ass.

[In reply to Fred’s reasoning for them working for Wolfram and Hart] Y’know, when you say it out loud it sounds really naïve.

[to Wesley] Come on, English. You know you’re my man.

[responding to Angel calling Cordelia’s house her “pad”] You enjoying your visit to nineteen seventy three? I meant her message pad.

We die horribly and painfully, you go to Hell and I spend eternity in the arms of Baby Jesus.

It means, sayin’ people are free don’t make ’em free. You got races that hate each other. You got some folks gettin’ work they don’t want, others losin’ the little they had. You’re lookin’ at social confusion, economic depression, and probably some riots. Good luck.

[to Wesley and Angel] Y’all that portal jumping is a fun ride. We sell it to a theme park, we could get paid.

[to Angel] I’ll take the twenty on the left, you take the fifty on the right.

I don’t get it. Why they afraid of Xena? I mean, I think she’s kinda fly.

I got a phone message. – It sounded like the captain of the Titanic getting ready to go down with the ship.

Gunn: All right, look, the plan is simple. I want you to roll the camcorder, wait for the cops to hassle us.
Anne Steele: How do you know they will?
Gunn: ‘Cause we’ll be the ones “walkin’ while black”. Come on.

[a previously dead guy gets up] He don’t look that dead.

[in reference to treasure] Do you really think you’ll be able to get your booty through the front door?

[to Wesley] You having a Blair Witch moment?

[Raises his hand] Um, not a sidekick.

So…I look Russian to you?

And the gal does have a history of whooping ass. I mean, you saw the hurting she put on those Wolfram and Hart dudes. And could she really turn me into a rat?

I don’t know. I mean, if I had to listen to you two, day in, day out. Snipe, snipe, snipe. Bitch, bitch, bitch! I figure y’all got off easy, ’cause I would have killed you.

Was one of his directives, “Hire a pansy-ass British guy?”.

There’s different kinds of “eugh”?

We tried to stop her by hitting her fists and feet with our faces, but…

[Explaining Angel’s many loves to Fred] Gunn: Yeah. No, not that one, the other one that died and came back to life. She’s a vampire.
Fred: Do y’all have a chart or somethin’?
Gunn: In the files. I’ll get it for you later.

[about the baby Darla is carrying] Maybe it’s some kind of über-vamp?

Amanda, The Fell Brethren leader makes Jim Jones look like a Sunday school teacher!

Then you’re the liar, Aragon.

Yeah, especially a Lurite demon. The stink on that thing. You’re a prince of the underworld, bro, take a Jacuzzi once in a while.

The “B” word was the love of his life. And he’s what, two hundred and fifty? That ain’t no short life. This grief-work’s gonna take more than a vacation in Sri Lanka.

Hmm. Angel and a buncha monks in the middle of nowhere. There’s a party. He shoulda got hammered and gone to Vegas like I told him.

[playing Risk] And now I rule Europe, Australia and South America! … Three-fifths of the world covered in water, the rest covered in me. Ha-ha! Who’s your ruler, baby? What’s my name? Come on English, say it, dog.

Right, we’ll just stroll into their heavily guarded law offices, and ask Lilah the Evil Bitch Queen for help finding out what happened to their archenemy, but, we’re kinda broke so it’ll have to be pro bono.

[to Connor] That’s right, Sparky. Daddy’s comin’ home. And I’m guessing there’s gonna be a spanking.

And what am I supposed to do? Sit home and knit?

Cordelia: Gun. It really lets them know you mean business.
Gunn: It’s my name. Charles Gunn. Two n’s.

I’m just messing with y’all. I was hoping for some demon fighting tonight, but I wound up with a delivery job instead.

(After being asked about a demon) Is that like a ’62 Chevy with the big cam? Alright, I coulda just said “no”.

You are not paying me enough for this! My Uncle Theo always said, “Never buy a dull plow, and never get in the middle of a religious war”.

Just so we’re on the same page, when we find this vampire cult, we are going to kill ’em this time, right?

Now we’re saving a vampire from vampires? I got two words for that: Nuh and uh!

Since when can’t a brother buy some ginseng tea?

Right, because why would I want to walk with a cute young woman on a beautiful night, when I could be out hacking and slaying an ugly, boil-covered demon monster, and getting myself killed?

[about killing Angel] You think I won’t kill him because he’s my friend? That ain’t why. Truth is, he can never be my friend. It’s on account of what he is. Not his fault, really. Just the way it worked out.

Because I was weak. Because I wanted to be somebody that I wasn’t. Because I don’t know where I fit. Because I never did. Because a thousand other reasons that don’t mean a damn because she’s gone. She’s gone…and she’s not coming back because of me. I did this, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

The final score can’t be rigged. I don’t care how many players you grease, that last shot always comes up a question mark. But here’s the thing, you never know when you’re takin’ it. It could be when you’re duking it out with the legion of doom, or just crossin’ the street deciding where to have brunch. So you just treat it all like it was up to you, with the world in the balance, cause you never know when it is.

Guy steps out for a few hours, half the place goes super-villain.

I’m so glad I met you guys. It’s entertaining. Really.

Yeah, and don’t try to tell us there’s nowhere to go but up. Because the truth is, there’s always more down.

Don’t be usin’ my own phrases when we’ve lost the trust.

Still not sure why Blondie Ghost tagged along.

Notice no matter how uptown we go we always wind up at some stanky hole in the middle of the night?

I understand you’re feeling rejected. But this Aztec warrior…it wants the hearts for sustenance. It wants it for the meat, not the metaphor. … As meat goes, your heart’s a dried-up hunk of gnarly-ass beef jerky.

As expected. Anger, tears, venomous death threats.

What if I told you it doesn’t help? What would you do if you found out that none of it matters? That it’s all controlled by forces more powerful and uncaring than we can conceive and they will never let it get better down here? What would you do?

Okay, you take the 30,000 on the left…

[looking at a delivery Angel just received] Some kind of boomerang vamp-stake?

We’re full up on interns, but the decoder ring’s in the mail.

[about his axe] Isn’t this the thing? Some of the kids in my camp put it together for me. Thought I might get the chance to stick it in somethin’ tonight.

I’m still dealin’ with this man’s ugly ass living room set. Some people just shouldn’t have money.

Fred and I are getting’ back together! She was so keyed up from last night’s fight, she asked me over. We ended up talkin’ for hours like old times. Then, all of a sud- I can’t even keep this up, ’cause your face is gonna make me weep. Wes, I am so messin’ with you.

You’d be amazed at how many horrible movies we’ve stopped.

If God was a busboy, he’d look just like you, Jesus.

[to Angel] Are you getting enough iron? You look a little pale.

Whoo! Whoo! My God! They told me it was true, but I didn’t believe ’em. Damn. Here it is! Evil white folks really do have a Mecca. Now, now, now girls, don’t get all riled up. [screams] Did you just step on my foot? Was that my foot you just stepped on? Are you assaulting me up in this haven of justice? Somebody get me a lawyer, ’cause my civil rights have seriously been violated. Oh, I get it, I get it. Y’all can cater to the demon, cater to the dead man, but what about the black man?

[About ghost Spike] Give him 20 minutes. He’ll be popping up next to you in the bathroom, making cracks about your… Am I the only one he does that to?

[During Darla’s labor] If you ask me, what we could really use right about now is some Vaseline and a catcher’s mitt.

[playing a video game with Angel] Dead! So dead! So very, very dead, just how dead are you, huh?

What is it with you Sunnydale folks and repression? I mean, you three are the most denying-est folks I ever met.

Everybody dies. I’m just trying to make sure that when we die, we stay dead.

If he pops a fang in here, thwack him where it hurts.

[speaking to the demon who cuts out the heart of a person who wears the cursed necklace] Come on, Sparky. Let’s go. This heart ain’t gonna cut itself out.

Now, instead of just worryin’ about big bad rock-eater, we got Darth Vampire livin’ in the basement.

And, as an extra-special bonus (and because I find it hilarious that Gunn and Galaxy Quest share this quote)…

Never give up. Never surrender.

So that’s it for our list of the best Gunn quotes! Do you have a favorite quote from the wonderful Charles Gunn? Share it in the comments or tweet it at us @NerdybFlirty! Remember to put #GunnQuotes in the tweet and tag @jaugustrichards!