“Umm, what’s with the volus?” A Review of ME3: Citadel

I am going to go ahead and say this now, since I will regret it later if I don’t. This review of the new Mass Effect 3 DLC: Citadel was going to be filled with many, many spoilers, because I couldn’t contain the joy I feel for this DLC. And since when have any of my reviews been spoiler-free anyway? So the review is split into two sections, one spoiler-free and the full review, which contains spoilers.

[Spoiler-Free Review]

The Citadel DLC is excellent, and is totally worth your $15. I cannot emphasize enough how great, and how absolutely hilarious, some of the dialogue is throughout these missions. I’m looking at my notes for things I need to remember to mention, and half of them are just one liners that I kept laughing at. It’s almost disgustingly self-aware, but you will love every minute of it. I have heard the DLC as a whole described as “complete fanfiction,” and I can totally agree with that. Citadel is very much about fan service. But it is hilarious, brilliantly-inspired fan service. Bioware hits all the right notes with the characters this time.

me3citadel

I’m not sure if it’s just because there is so much happening, or just because it was poorly done, but I had some major frame rate issues in a few of the battle scenes. Particularly after picking up the new Geth spitfire assault rifle. It only happened a few times, but it was bad enough that I was afraid my game was going to freeze up. I did hardlock once, later, but it seemed to be completely unrelated. And as far as new enemies go, you’re fighting re-skinned Cereberus troops. Nothing too exciting.

Score:

A-

Go buy the Citadel DLC. I can almost guarantee you will enjoy it if you are a Mass Effect fan. I’m giving it an A-. Besides those pesky frame rate issues, it would have been perfect. Citadel reflects all the finer moments of Mass Effect, and is a perfect closing addition to the series.

Available on Xbox 360, PS3, and PC for 1200 Microsoft points. Please keep in mind that it is a large, two-part download.

[Begin Spoiler-Filled Review]

[Editor’s note: When Kelsey says spoilers, she REALLY means it, so truly don’t read this if you don’t want to know important plot twists!]

So, the Citadel. Jumping right in, you immediately get a message that Anderson wants you to meet him at his apartment. As it turns out, he is giving you the apartment. And it is swanky as hell. Along with this, you get a lot of background biographical information on Anderson that he has just left laying around his old place, and it was a nice touch to add so much backstory.

mass-effect-citadel

After checking your messages, you head out to meet Joker at some sushi place that is apparently the absolute bee’s knees because everyone on the goddamn Citadel wants to eat there. Also, all of the waiters are French. At a sushi restaurant. Like, how did they even find that many French people on the Citadel, IN SPACE, to work in this sushi place? But whatever. So while you are there, OF COURSE, some Alliance woman comes to tell you that someone is trying to kill you, and then, OF COURSE, said people come and try to kill you at the restaurant. Duh. So all of this leaves you battling through what looks like the Citadel’s version of Chinatown, and there’s lots of dim red lighting and neon and vendor stalls. It’s very cool, and one of my favorite notes ever found on a datapad is in there, and it just says, “I know you’ve been licking the fruit when I’m not looking. Stop. -B”

However, the vendor/market area I am referring to is one of many new environments. With your apartment, you gain access to a whole new area called Tiberius Towers. Think of it as just a living/social complex. There’s a casino, a bar, an arcade, and even a battle simulator. It’s nice to have more to do on the Citadel. However, none of these battle environments compare to the fact that later, you get to fight on the Normandy.

But anyway, the attack in the restaurant obviously leads to getting the whole team back together to figure out who is behind this. Which brings me to characters.

Mass-Effect-3-Citadel-DLC-610x340

The Alliance woman who came to help you at the sushi joint, Brooks, is one of my favorite DLC characters of all time, I believe. She sticks with you through the whole DLC, and turns out to be a backstabbing bitch, but prior to that she is HILARIOUS and I still love her despite her betrayal. And, as it turns out, the unknown enemy you are fighting is yourself. Brooks came across Cereberus’s “spare parts” for you, and she wakes them up. You’re fighting your clone. And when I say clone, I mean that this is your Shepard right down to your character class, facial features, haircut, and wardrobe choices.

As I mentioned above, this whole series of missions brings together your entire team. You may still choose who you want to bring with you, but it doesn’t matter, because everyone is there regardless. This causes a few issues though. I’m not sure if it’s just because there is so much happening, or just because it was poorly done, but I had some major frame rate issues in a few of the battle scenes. Particularly after picking up the new Geth spitfire assault rifle. It only happened a few times, but it was bad enough that I was afraid my game was going to freeze up. I did hardlock once, later, but it seemed to be completely unrelated. And as far as new enemies go, you’re fighting re-skinned Cereberus troops. Nothing too exciting.

me3cit-tango-640x360

But I cannot emphasize enough how great, and how absolutely hilarious, some of the dialogue is throughout these missions. I’m looking at my notes for things I need to remember to mention, and half of them are just one liners that I kept laughing at. It’s almost disgustingly self-aware, but you will love every minute of it. I have heard the DLC as a whole described as “complete fanfiction,” and I can totally agree with that. CitadelΒ is very much about fan service. But it is hilarious, brilliantly inspired fan service.

After you finish the clone mission, your next “objective” is to through a rad party in your swanky new apartment. There are also a lot of moments prior to throwing the party for you to hang out with your squad members one last time, and there is also very touching tribute to Thane. Bioware hits all the right notes with the characters this time.

The party closes out the DLC, and it alone is worth your $15. It’s a lot of fun, and you can choose to either throw a quiet get together or a drunken rager. I think you all know what I chose. The next morning, completely hungover, you get even more great bits with your crew before heading back to the Normandy. After that, it is all serious business and killing Reapers.

Reading through this review, I keep thinking that I wish I had put more humor into it, and I keep wondering where all the curse words are. But I think there is a distinct lack of them because I am just so impressed and pleased with this DLC. Really, all I would be able to say would be HOLY SHIT YES OH MY GOD I FUCKING LOVED IT.

Go buy the Citadel DLC. I can almost guarantee you will enjoy it if you are a Mass Effect fan.

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3 thoughts on ““Umm, what’s with the volus?” A Review of ME3: Citadel

  1. Pingback: Lady Gamer’s Choice: Best Games of 2013 |

  2. I absolutely, 100% am in love with this DLC! And the Garrus/Shep Tango?!?! I have to relive it at least a half dozen times! It was so…. all I could do was giggle! =^_^=

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